I'll Be Upstairs... or somewhere
Death is such a funny thing really. Everybody's so afraid of it when actually, it isn't all that bad. I mean there's that initial “The hell Mister Echolls! I was trying to help your career. Statutory rape is so in.” But then it just ends with “At least that's over.” Because seriously? Life can be so lame.
I have to say though, severe head wound is definitely the way to go. It's quick, easy, and you get killer crime scene photos. Blood and gore can be really fetch, but not many can pull it off. I'm just saying, if your head is too round, you'll totally look like a rotten Jack-o-lantern or something.
So anyway, yeah, I'm a ghost, oooOOOoooOO. I'm sorry there's just so much haunting you can do. Between my thick headed brother and fashionably challenged best friend, it takes out a lot of energy! Whoever said you can sleep when you're dead seriously was never dead, or else duh, he would have known that your spirit is plagued to roam eternity. Well maybe, I really haven't gotten the hang of this whole “dead” thing. Rules are so irritating to learn.
Not that I really know where I am. I mean, if this is heaven, they are letting anyone in. Because although I'm completely lovable, I am certainly no angel, at least that's what my personal masseuse always told me. Spanish men are so hot.
So are Greek.
Italian.
French… mmm
Russian.
Hmm and Roberto, I think he was Portuguese or something.
Oh and Canadian men? Definitely hot.
It almost makes me feel bad for Logan, because he was so sweet, and his dad's personal assistant always reminded him to have someone buy me the best gifts with his dad's money. But the poor thing just had no idea of his way around the bedroom. It was sort of cute at first, that awkward boyish charm thing, but why have boys when you can have men. The People's Choice Actor Aaron Echolls. Now that's what I call a man.
But it doesn't matter, Logan's all head over heels for Veronica now and Aaron is… well let's say sleeping with a minor will be the least of his troubles. It almost sucks that I'm dead, because this stuff is way too good to be true.
How great could it be if me, Veronica and Logan could have a love triangle? I would be like Joey because she was always the center of attention, Logan could be that guy who didn't have a huge forehead, and Veronica could be that girl that nobody cared about after the first season. How awesome would that be? I would be all, “Logan choose me.” And then… well then it would be sort of boring. I guess Duncan can have them, he's so into dull romantic squabbles.
Like the time he thought little Ronnie Mars was our sister. Come on Duncan, she's like three feet tall, dad would have had to mate with a mouse or something, and that's just gross. Although I wouldn't have minded having a little sister. Veronica would have been the coolest little sister ever! Especially all Sydney Bristow Veronica with her cool spy tools that I could use to force mother into rehab. Too bad that didn't work out.
And poor Veronica was so upset too. I remember my mom was such a bitch the day she made Duncan break up with her, not that she wasn't a bitch everyday, it was just finally a day that she wasn't being a bitch to me. But they were so hush-hush about it. Taking Duncan into a room yelling a little and then he came out and totally spewed everywhere.
I mean if I had found out that Logan or Eli or Aaron or Roberto or Peter or any of my lovahs were related to me, I'd totally react the same way, but him and Veronica were way too innocent to be that gross. They were “in love” or something and so eye roll worthy.
If I want something cute I'll buy a kitten or something, not get all shmoopy.
But honestly, if you're a Kane, you're either golden or a royal bitch, and lucky for Veronica she was never either. My brother and my father were perfect, my mother in need of severe medication, and me? Well I wasn't really all that nice of a person.
So I took advantage of people's weaknesses, who doesn't? Like that Macky Italian guy said, “You can only rule through fear.” Well, I think that's what he said. I never really cared much for history… or math… or any other class throughout the day.
Oh wait except for Mr. Rooks. Maybe history wasn't so bad after all.
But this is beside the point, because I, Lilly Kane, was about to admit I may have not been perfect. Shocker, I know. So I cheated on Logan, so what? I only dated him because his father was a movie star. I did him a favor by associating with him! Me the sexy older woman and him the dorky little junior high kid… it was an embarrassing display for any child of wealth! And you know, maybe I kind of sort of loved him… sometimes. But life is short, obviously, and I couldn't be tied to him forever. He was so sweet though.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so crappy to him though, then he wouldn't be so hung up on me for no reason. I mean I knew he'd fall for me, but not that hard. The poor boy could be getting so much ass thanks to me and does he ever take advantage of it? No! He just took girls upstairs and talked about how hard it was losing me and didn't even let them give him pity sex! Of course like any guy he made sure all his friends thought otherwise. Faux-slut. The attention is nice though.
At least Veronica is adopting my booty call ways. You go girl with your bathroom antics! Again, spy sister? It would have been awesome! And now she's got the 09ers and the bikers and pretty much all the other guys at our school totally wrapped around her finger. Veronica Mars 2.0 and I would have had a killer time.
As long as she keeps her sweet little hands off Eli, that's all I'm saying. Not that I'm laying claims on him, which I totally am. He was just so… deep, you know? He was romantic and original, and totally would have pissed off my mom if I had told her. It was just… hello, I'm Lilly Kane. I date rich boy 09ers, I date Logan Echolls. But I love Eli Navarro. I'm not serious though. Ha, dispense personal information? You'd have to kill me first. Oh Mister Echolls I'm talking to you!
Ah, at least he's finally been brought to justice, and my murder has been avenged. Having a soul go to rest is so relaxing. Sigh, maybe I'll hang by the pool or something in my killer pink bikini. I've had a lot of time for that pilates so I look rocking.
Until then, I'll be upstairs… or somewhere.
-August 2005